Are you afraid of failure?
Answer Yes or No to each question.
- I have great 'hindsight', and I easily start obsessing about what I could have or should have done in situations that were either upsetting to me or had a wonderful outcome.
- I think if I am perfect, I am assured of not being rejected.
- No matter what was happening in my early years, my number "1" goal was to never disappoint my parents or the authority figures in my formative years.
- When people I am interacting with make a mistake, I lose it, being very hard on that person(s).
- My parents always expected me to have all A's in school, as well as do my chores properly. They still do and I still keep trying to satisfy them.
- I am a "neatnick". I can't stand it when things, situations or people are out of place and not meeting my expectations.
- In school I was always in the top 5% of my class.
- I usually set goals that I know I can accomplish.
- Delegating authority to someone else is almost an impossible task. I know, in the end, that I can do the job better and will have to.
- When I screw-up, even a little screw-up, I chew over it like a dog-with a bone. It takes me a long time to let it go, if ever, completely.
Add up your score: Yes: _________ No:__________
If you have 4 Yes answers, you have the start of a problem. With 5-10 Yes answers, you have a problem.
WHY THE FEAR OF FAILURE IS DOGGING YOU.
Remember in grade school when any grade less than an A wasn’t acceptable to your parents? Or every chore you were asked to do, you did. Thinking it was pretty good only to hear that was a nice job, but look at these little things that you didn’t do right. How about doing them again, perhaps taking a little more time? Or crap, you still don’t get it do you? Look at that mess you made; you can never do anything right.
It didn’t take you long to figure out how to play it safe. Only doing the things you know were easy, that you could excel at, or that you knew would generate little or no criticism when you had completed the chore.
HIGH EXPECTATIONS – YOURS FOR OTHER PEOPLE
Have you noticed after a certain age, you began to set high expectations for everyone you come in contact with? You have simply taken on the beliefs of your parents – projecting their perfectionism on others. You expect everyone to be perfect, driving themselves just like you do. I am sure you are disappointed more times than not in the performance of others.
PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL PERFECTIONISM
What is really happening here? The real fear is fear of rejection. Your motivating force is being perfect so that you will be accepted. Never wanting to hear those dreaded words, “I am not interested in what you have to say or sell”. That translates in your mind as “You aren’t good enough”.
Once you fall into your fear of failure trap, you begin to give your power away, just as your parents took it away when you were younger. Or if you are in a relationship, you begin to give away the farm so they won’t go away.
I CAN’T STAND STUPID PEOPLE
1. Do you drive everyone nuts around you with your
perfectionism?
2. Do you come down on everyone like a ton of bricks when you feel someone has not met your high expectations?
3. Do you find people who you have working with you or people in your personal relationships moving out of your sphere of energy?
4. Do you beat up on yourself when someone turns you down?
5. Do you always assume that I/we could have done a better job, when someone has complaints about what I am or we are doing?
WHEN YOU LEARN TO WALK ON WATER, I WANT THE CONCESSION STAND.
There is a school of thought that says, “Every No takes you closer to a Yes”. For the fear of failure personality this is a living death. You must always remember that when someone says "no" to you, move on to the next person. There are usually a million reasons why they have told you "no" which include:
1. They don’t need what you have at this time.
2. It is the wrong color.
3. Your prices maybe to high.
4. They woke up this morning mad at their spouse. So no matter if you had the perfect situation for them they wouldn’t see it, let alone want to have it.
5. Your chemistry just doesn’t match that of the other person.
You must accept the fact that you, or anyone else for that matter, will never be good enough to please the entire world! When you accept that fact, you won’t be afraid to learn a new skill, step out there, or move out of your comfort zone. Overcoming your fear of failure guarantees that you will never become obsolete, but will always be on the cutting edge of life.
SAFE TECHNIQUES TO HELP YOU MOVE OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.
1. When you have some simple tasks, let someone else do them.
Learn to keep your mouth shut if it isn’t done according to your
standards.
2. Lighten up – your motto must be “in 100 years who is going to care”?
3. Once someone has told you "no", step back, look at their agenda before you begin to beat up on yourself.
4. Don’t kick the dog around when you are upset! Keep your disappointment in balance with what has really happened.
LEARN TO RELAX AND ENJOY.
“Idle hands are the devil's workshop”. If you relax and enjoy life, you are not being perfect. The best way for a fear of failure personality to learn to relax and enjoy the experience is to try something they always thought they would enjoy doing. Make sure there is nothing riding on the outcome, just your enjoying it. They must learn to “Lighten up, remembering it is only slip-up, not the end of your world”.
YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS STATEMENT OF FACT SHOULD BE!
I now truly believe I can and now do relax and enjoy life, not taking "no’s" personally. I am secure in my ability to subconsciously, consciously, spiritually and physically attain, maintain and expand my goals with speed, ease, comfort and joy.
If you are ready to make positive changes in your life,
e-mail or call me to discuss them. I am accepting new clients, for one-on-one sessions hypnotherapy or counseling sessions in person in the Sequim office or phone at 1-360-452-5353.
Send an e-mail to find out more about how Dazé can help you re-invent yourself.
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